British PM Rishi Sunak (right) and Labour leader Keir Starmer (Image: AP/Alastair Grant)
British PM Rishi Sunak (right) and Labour leader Keir Starmer (Image: AP/Alastair Grant)

Phwoaarrrrrr. He’s only bloody gone and done — oh hang on, Boris isn’t in charge anymore. Rishi Sunak, the UK’s bank branch adviser — “Hi I’m Rishi, take a seat, I’ll just get some details” — who turns down your loan application, has taken the country to the polls six months earlier than required. Great Britain and Northern Ireland will elect a new House of Commons on July 4, a commemorative date of an earlier British government triumph. 

It is a truth universally observed that the election will result in a rout of the Tories and the installation of a majority Labour government.